when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
