Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
