He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
