soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
