Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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