Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
