She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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