Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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