She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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