How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
