You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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