So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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