The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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