I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
