Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I would ride that face into the sunset
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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