I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
