He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
