Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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