Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
