So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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