..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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