C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize