when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
