TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
