i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
