i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
