do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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