He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
