He is such a slut. More and more my type.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
