I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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