We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
