Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
