Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Let's paint friendship bongs
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
