My cat gives me a boner
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
