Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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