I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
