Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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