Swine flu is the new snow day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
we should paint friendship bongs
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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