i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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