well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
