i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
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