But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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