just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We need to get me chipped asap
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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