I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Houston, we have a squirter
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had to cum in my sink.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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