hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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