there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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