Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
