p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
