dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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