The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
babies were throwing up all over the place
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
