I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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