doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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