and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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