I want to make a zoo with you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
