ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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