let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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