Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
