I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
