I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
