its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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