Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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