At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The air taste purple.
Randomize
