weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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