pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
