I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize