last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
