She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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