they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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