whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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