just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
