Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
