we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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