i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
