Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
