I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
