It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
