I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
