It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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