Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
