At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
