I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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