K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
