nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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