end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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