whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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