i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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