"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
