Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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