I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
