im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
