the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
