I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
