I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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