I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
