his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
