Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
