when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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