i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
