How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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